Nice Girls …the Sequel
Early in the last decade Dr. Lois P. Frankel wrote Nince Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office. The book touched a nerve, became an international best seller and was translated into 25 languages. Now Dr. Frankel is back with a co-author, Carol Frohlinger who is an attorney and cofounder of Negotiating Women, Inc., whose mission is to help women negotiate more confidently. The title of their new book is Nice Girls Just Don’t Get It.
Assertiveness has been a buzz word for about 35 years at least, so the question arose what could the latest iteration of Nice Girls…teach women that they don’t already know. The authors were at the ready to answer questions.
How should a reader interpret the phrase “nice girls” in the title Nice Girls Just Don’t Get It?
We want readers to understand that the phrase refers to adult women who behave according to rules and stereotypes they were taught in childhood. These messages are reinforced in adulthood in the media, the workplace, and through family expectations.
What do you mean by “nice girls” and “it”?
A “nice” girl is one who suffers from the “disease to please”—making everyone else happy at her own expense. We believe that being nice is absolutely necessary to get what you want, but it’s not sufficient. You must add additional behaviors to your repertoire to get “it” – which is a double entendre. When you exhibit these new behaviors, you demonstrate that you understand it’s your responsibility to create a winning life – no one else can do it for you (that’s the first “it”) and, when you take charge of your life, you are more likely to get the things you want (the second “it”).
While you characterize the opposite as a “winning woman” realistically how much change in behavior can a reader expect after finishing the book?
Readers will change their behavior to the degree they are willing to risk discomfort – their own and that of others – as a means of living a more fulfilling life. Sometimes even the smallest change yields big results. For example, if all a woman did after reading the book was to start setting boundaries with people who take advantage of her, we’d say that was worth the time and money she spent. And we even include advice for how to handle the inevitable resistance she’ll get when she does engage in behavioral change.
Lois Frankel’s first book, Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office, addressed the workplace. Still we’ve had a major recession since the first book came out. Are there ways the strategies in the current book supersede the advice in the earlier volume and if so how?
The advice in Corner Office remains relevant but focuses exclusively on the workplace. This book goes further to cover the personal as well as the professional. We believe that women can’t reach their full potential at work if they haven’t negotiated conditions of success at home.
We always hear how time pressed women are juggling careers, families, their own personal interests. If a reader only had time to read one particular section which would you suggest is the most important and why?
It would have to be the section on managing expectations. This is where we focus on how women can take back control of their lives by doing some simple things such as identifying boundaries and recognizing when people cross them inappropriately. Similarly, understanding family dynamics and how to manage them to your advantage can be found in this section – along with lots of other suggestions.
Sequels are always hard to pull off and at least one review has described this book as an also ran compared to its trailblazing predecessor. Why do you feel it might have been characterized in this way and what response do you have to the characterization?
There’s no doubt about it – Corner Office was a phenomenon that exceeded even the publisher’s wildest expectations. It’s been translated into 25 languages, continues to sell steadily, and has been optioned for a television series. But to suggest this book is an “also ran” is comparing apples and oranges. Both books have practical, down-to-earth news you can immediately use. Nice Girls Just Don’t Get It was designed to reach a wider audience and provide advice in a broader array of situations than just the workplace. Additionally, Carol’s voice and expertise on the subject of women and negotiation makes Nice Girls Just Don’t Get It a very different book. We think the reviewer might not have gotten “it.”
Books about assertiveness for women have been around for decades. Why is this book particularly timely now?
We wouldn’t characterize this as an assertiveness book. We would characterize it more as a life skills book. We ask readers to think about their lives, their values, and their current skill sets, then we provide tactics for creating a plan to win the life they want. The book is timely because the playing field is still not even for women despite decades of “change”. A woman still comes home from work and does 50% more of the household chores and caretaking than her spouse and is still less likely to be promoted when competing with an equally qualified man. Yet, many people think the problem has been solved —it hasn’t. There are larger, societal issues in play that will take time and effort to resolve. In the meantime, this book offers women strategies they can use immediately to live happier lives.
How do you account for the staying power of the Nice Girls ….Office book? Why do you feel that book still resonates with readers? And what’s your take on why women still need books like that one?
Corner Office speaks a truth to which women around the world can relate. Lois gets unsolicited letters from women who say they followed the suggestions in the book and got a raise or a promotion. The advice is solid and it works are two reasons that contribute to its staying power. The fact is, if it wasn’t so difficult for women to achieve their full career potential because of gender bias, Corner Office wouldn’t still be selling. In some ways, it’s a sad statement that it is, because it means we haven’t really come a long way, baby.
Tags: assertiveness training, negotiating skills
